Helping Your Child Separate at Drop-Off: Focus on the Steps They've Already Taken
Does your child struggle to separate from you at drop-off?
You’re not alone — and more importantly, neither are they.
Sometimes, a quick look back at how far we’ve already come can give our kids (and us) the confidence to take the next step.
Are You Only Focusing on the Final Step?
As parents, we often focus all our attention on the final moment — the one where our child is meant to let go of our hand and walk into the classroom.
“Just go in!”
“You’ll be fine!”
“You’ve done this before!”
But when we zoom in too closely on that single step, we can forget to celebrate everything they’ve achieved leading up to it.
This week, an amazing colleague reminded me of this — and it shifted something in how I supported my own daughter.
The Power of Looking Back
That night before bed, we drew a staircase together. Starting at the bottom and drawing our way to the top, we mapped out every small step she takes to get to school each day. From getting dressed, brushing teeth, packing her bag — all the way to standing at the classroom door.
Then we circled every single step… except the very last one.
I told her how strong and brave she had been to do all of those things. I told her how proud I was — not of the finish line, but of everything it took to get there.
You should’ve seen her face.
She wasn’t just proud that I had noticed — she was proud of herself.
That realisation that “I’m doing something hard, and I’m doing it really well” can be so powerful, especially for kids who are aware that others around them don’t struggle with the same things. That can feel isolating.
This little moment changed everything.
Try This With Your Child
If your child finds it hard to say goodbye at school or kinder, try drawing the “staircase” together. Map out all the small things they do before the final step of separating. Then praise the effort. Celebrate how far they’ve come — even if they’re not quite at the top yet.
You might be surprised by how much confidence this gives them to keep going.
Don’t forget to read out other blog - “Supporting Separation at School Time” - which has many more ideas on what you can do.
When to Seek Extra Support
If separation anxiety is ongoing or interfering with your child’s wellbeing, it may be time to speak to a psychologist or the school counselor (we ended up going down this path!). Early intervention can make a big difference.
About the writer: Lauren is a speech pathologist who has over 18 years experience working with children and teenagers who present with a range of learning and communication differences. Lauren is passionate about helping others and loves to find simple and creative ways to make learning fun! The blog posts featured on this site are written on behalf of Remindables and are intended for educational purposes only and to provide general information and an understanding on a particular topic. By using this blog site, you must be aware that the information shown is not to be used as a substitute for therapy advice and you should therefore seek the opinion of suitable professionals to assist you. The views expressed here are the author’s views alone and not those of their employer or others, unless clearly stated. ⠀⠀⠀
